In-lawsEditors' Dilemma
My brother-in-law wants us to dog-sit for three weeks: do I say yes?
My brother-in-law is going abroad for three weeks for work. He asked us to watch his dog. A big dog, super sweet, super energetic, who…
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Arguments: in-laws
With in-laws, there’s no shortage of friction. The surprise Sunday morning visit. The unsolicited advice about your cooking or how you raise your kids. Splitting the holidays between two families. The gift that offends without meaning to. And in the middle, your partner, who mostly wishes everyone would just get along.
8 stories
In-lawsEditors' Dilemma
Leave at 5 or at 10? My father-in-law and I took two cars
Every summer, we join my husband’s family in Florida, an eight-hour drive. We make the trip with my father-in-law, who lives near us. He…
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In-lawsEditors' Dilemma
My mother-in-law wants me to call her “Mom”: should I?
I’ve been with my partner for six years, and I get along well with his mom. She’s warm, she sends me a card every birthday, she calls me…
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In-lawsEditors' Dilemma
I nap at my in-laws’ on Sundays: is that rude?
Once a month, we have Sunday dinner at my in-laws’. The meal starts at noon and ends around 3. Then everyone stays at the table playing…
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In-lawsEditors' Dilemma
I liked the store-bought pie better than my mother-in-law’s
Every Thanksgiving, my mother-in-law makes her homemade pumpkin pie. It’s her pride and joy. This year, she served two pies: hers, and one…
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In-lawsEditors' Dilemma
My brother-in-law treats me like the family’s free IT department
I work in IT. For my in-laws, that means I can fix anything: printers, Wi-Fi routers, TVs, phones that “make weird noises.” My…
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In-lawsEditors' Dilemma
My father-in-law planted tomatoes in our lawn without asking
My husband and I finally have a house with a small backyard. A lawn, two bushes, a table. We love how simple it is. While we were on…
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In-lawsEditors' Dilemma
My mother-in-law drops by unannounced with our spare key
When we moved in, we gave my mother-in-law a key, “for emergencies.” She lives ten minutes away. Since then, there’s been an emergency…
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These arguments turn into misunderstandings fast because two family cultures collide. In one family, dropping by unannounced is a sign of love. In the other, it’s an invasion. Nobody necessarily means any harm, but everyone follows their own rules, without ever saying them out loud.
To vote fairly, first ask yourself who really disagrees. You and your mother-in-law? Or you and your partner, who didn’t say a word? Read both sides, keeping in mind that the same person wrote them. Then separate the substance from the way it was handled. A mother-in-law can be right on the substance and clumsy in how she says it. The reverse happens too, of course. And if two habits clash without any bad intent, “Nobody’s wrong” is still on the table.
FAQ
How do I set a boundary with my mother-in-law without offending her?
Talk about what you need, not what she’s doing wrong: “we’d like a heads-up before you visit” goes over better than “you keep showing up unannounced.” Ideally, your partner talks to their own family. A boundary is set once, calmly, then repeated without getting upset.
My partner never takes my side: who’s wrong?
Often, the person in the middle is afraid of hurting one side or the other, so they say nothing. That silence feels like being abandoned. It’s better to decide together what you’re OK with, then say it as a united front.
How do we split the holidays between both families?
There’s no rule that’s fair for everyone. Some couples alternate every year, some split the day in two, others start their own tradition. What matters is deciding together, early enough, and announcing it together.